A hundred years wouldn't be enough time to make up for all the wrong I've done to people in this community.
In my darkest hour I have finally struck the bottom of what has felt like an endless fall from atop the highest point of my life.
I am not here to make excuses for myself I am writing this simply in an attempt to put to a close the most regrettable chapter of my life.
This will be my second time being toaded, (permanent banning) I evaded the first one by adopting a new ISP and sneaking onto SD without telling the admin.
Most of you will remember me as Grok.
It has been many nights that I lay sleepless in bed and a couple nights on a couch in boston since I started attempting to translate the feelings I hold deepest in my heart into coherent thoughts that I can share with you, those dearest to my heart.
Firstly, I would like to address the SD community in general and apologize for my disruptive actions and poor attitude with several community members to include the staff. I will not make excuses for my actions. I have abused the one community that I involved in my life to the fullest and I strongly regret abusing the priviledge of being a member of that community every day of my life.
You've been my best friend for well over a year now yet I have been a miserable friend in return. There is no excuse to justify the punishment I have inflicted upon our friendship and I will never be able to forgive myself for it and I never expect you to forgive me for it either.
I've held you in my heart as a brother, and the time I spent visiting at your house has been some of the best times of my life. I hold your family close to my heart as they've been very welcoming and kind every time I visited. I would appreciate if you would relay my thanks to all of them.
I never once exaggerated the feelings I expressed to you, for the longest time in some of the worst days of my life you have been a beacon of hope and understanding for me. The shattered pieces of my heart left from my marriage and the short relationship that followed that still proved capable of feeling love for a woman have been solely dedicated to you. I do love you, for the person you are and for making me feel a little better about myself when I thought such a thing was impossible.
Never stop being an amazing mother. You are one of a kind never forget how special you are.
For a while you were one of my best friends and in classic style I challenged the stability of our friendship with my own instability yet we were able to recover slightly.. I regret everyday since we clashed and wish I could take it back. You're an awesome intelligent guy and a were a good friend to me. I thank you for that and both of those drug induced nights of spooning.
Stay cool and keep drawing, you little commie.
I owe you guys a lot for being there to hang out with when I needed company the most. It's been very helpful and I wish I was capable of returning the favor. You're both awesome guys and great friends.
I've always been a dick to you and I believe those stemmed from things I've heard that I won't mention here. I am very sorry for the way I've treated you in the past and I wish you the best in your coastie career and hope you have a very successful and long lasting marriage. Never let your love slip.
Never stop making SD descriptions. The world of text is bland with out a touch of your creativity. Every time you analyzed me, you were never wrong. I thank you for trying to punch through the walls I put up in my mind.
You're an awesome, enterprising son of a bitch, T. You were a great help for me every time we spoke about the plentiful problems that make up my life. I regret that we weren't able to stay in touch once you returned to LA. You were the core behind the best MooBash i've ever participated in.
Keep doing what you're doing, mano. You're a good friend and a very cool guy. I know you'll contribute greatly to the MOO and it needs it these days.
you're one great girl, I regret that my problems with Kevin put such a damper on our friendship. I am sorry for all of that.
you're a good guy and I hope you never let Jackie down. Keeping doing what you're doing and work on that right hook of yours.
I did not make this post in an attempt to gain forgiveness to be allowed to continue playing SD. My time in SD has to end. My life is unstable and I am incapable of controlling the mess of emotions that make up my existence.
Thank you all for being you, it's been a great honor to spend all those many hours Rping with you. You're the best of the best.
Once again... I am sorry.