Whats the worst job you've ever had?
I was a dishwasher at a sports bar and my partner was a lazy jerk who always left early so I would get in trouble for having to stay late.
Who is your favorite cartoon character? Why?
Owl from Winnie the Pooh. I mean, he is old, wise and respected. What's not to love?
If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
Why would anyone want to write a biography about me?
Which would be harder for you to give up: coffee or alcohol?
What is the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
Pickled fish guts. Tasted like a salty eraser.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
Super intelligence so I wouldn't have to keep spending so much time figuring out puzzles.
What fashion trend do you wish would come back?
Three piece suits for work.
Who is the most famous person you have ever met?
A Warhammer short story writer by the name of Andrew Smilie. I don't get out of the house much.
If you could deliver a speech to the entire world, what would you say?
Probably something that would make everyone mad and cause a warrant to be issued in 25 countries for my arrest.
If money were no object, where in the world would you choose to live?
Meh Probably where I live now, but I wouldn't work again.
If you inherited a single room off-the-grid cabin in the woods, would you be excited or disappointed?
Excited! Who wouldn't be?
How many slices of pizza are you capable of eating in one sitting?
Last I checked about four. It was disappointing.
What insect do you wish would completely go extinct?
Mosquitoes. Anyone who answers anything else is an idiot.
What was your favorite color or Crayola crayon growing up?
Has anyone ever saved your life?
What is the weirdest scar you have and how did you get it?
I have one below my eye from playing pirates on a bunk-bed.
What song would you sing for your American Idol audition?
Not sure. I can't carry a tune in a bucket with two handles.
Have you ever saved someones life?
Nope. I hope I never have to.
If you could master one musical instrument, what would it be?
If you were offered the position of mayor of your city, would you take it?
Sure, why not?