What country would you never want to visit?
Wherever temperatures reach 100+ regularly. I've got two colours - ghost white and lobster red, I don't need the sun.
Whats the weirdest dream youve ever had?
I had a dream that an asteroid hit the planet and I was crushed by the wave of a tsunami into a concrete wall - oddly realistic sensation even in dreamland. But then I was sent up to Heaven and was waiting at the gates. Strangely enough they asked my name and suddenly a hole in the clouds opened up under me and I started to plummet towards what I can only assume was Hell. Out of nowhere a bright white light stopped me mid-fall to raise me back up to the golden kingdom. As I arrived back the 'angels' apologised to me and told me I had entered my password wrong.
What is the funniest movie you have ever seen?
Oh. This tough. I don't watch a lot of comedies. I'd have to say out of ones I've seen in the last decade or so that 'It's a Disaster' (2012) was the funniest.
What bad habit do you have that you know you need to break, but dont really want to?
I chew on ice chips when I have them.
What is your guilty pleasure?
Whats your favorite viral YouTube video?
I actually don't have one.
Describe the worst haircut you've ever had.
When I was six and in first grade, I was inexplicably given a bowl cut. I cannot look at school pictures from that year.
What song would you sing for your American Idol audition?
Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar (because who doesn't love an 80s power ballad) or S.O.S by Earl Greyhound. Maybe Head On by Man Man.
After a year of consideration I've decided to change my hilarious choice of power ballad to Foreigner's 'I Want To Know What Love Is' to recreate the amount of slow-motion in the video on the stage.
Better yet! Let's imagine combining the two videos to create the ultimate package of slow-motion along with camera shots of people forlornly looking out car windows or walking up dark stairwells in the most ridiculously outrageous eighties outfits ever and then we end it.. we end it, everyone. We end it by putting the massive choir from IWTKWLI in the background of LIAB's end scene where Pat Benatar and friends defeat a rent-a-version of a poor man's mafia boss (hilarious gold tooth included) with jazz hands and a dance routine.
Because that is what happens. But it could be so much more cheesy if we just tried. Please watch these videos and enter the world of the eighties if you haven't yet. Nothing can go wrong, only enlightenment.
I promise I'm not high.
If you could trade lives with anyone for a day who would it be and why?
A banker to concoct some scheme to wire loads of money to myself and not get caught.
If you had to read an entire encyclopedia, which letter would you choose?
J. Or R. J, R or S. I love those letters.
Whats the worst job you've ever had?
Customer Service Representative when I was younger.
What is the weirdest scar you have and how did you get it?
I've got a scar under my chin. I was constantly restrained in dirt, sand and rocks over a fourth month period. It wasn't fun. Now it just feels weird.
Which would be harder for you to give up: coffee or alcohol?
The same - because I drink neither.
Youre in prison with a life sentence, what was your crime?
My dislike of humanity grew so vicious and overwhelming I made everyone look at my cousin's senior year photographs.
There's a live boa constrictor and a denim vest in the picture. Graduation year? 2014.
This isn't a drill. This isn't a joke. I'm so sorry.
Whats the wildest thing youve ever done in a hotel room?
Probably cause the housekeepers to hate me since I'm one of those people that make my bed back up again.
Which Disney princess do you find to be the most attractive?
I'm not attracted to cartoons.
What are two things you would do if you woke up to find yourself completely invisible?
Hm. Put plan into motion to permanently sit courtside at all Blazers games and..
Money or secret government files, money or secret government files..
If a theme song played every time you entered a room, what would it be?
The only acceptable answer to this for everyone ever is Stone Cold's theme.
Would you like to live to be 200 years old?
Yes, I would. I'd like to live forever.
What insect do you wish would completely go extinct?
EARWIGS. Or worms, the kinds that live in pets and people.