Second a warning, if you make a description, this is not a place to post it before play, for critique. Do not post any element of your now or future character in here. If you have a question about if you are doing your description correctly, give an example divorced from the description itself.
Good questions include,
Is using the word, adjective, when I have an attractiveness short description of good looking, allowed?
Would injecting metaphor be a bad idea?
Bad questions would include.
I have INSERT DESCRIPTION HERE as my description, can anyone give me comments and critiques about how I wrote it?
If you want critiques on your desc, do it in game. To the people standing near you. People are normally pretty tolerant of it if you're in a lightly populated room.
Now onto my suggestions, and I'll be keeping these short, because I don't want to fill up space anymore than I already have.
My suggestions are thus.
Keep it short.
Keep it simple.
Size and frame. Posture and walk style. Detail sentence.
Three sentences is really all you need to make a description that works within the code of the game.
Work within the code and constraints of the game. Your nakeds should contain detail, your description is just a place to basically provide a 3 second snapshot of your character. Read help describe it actually really helps get this across.