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Non-alcoholic drinks in bars.

Seems that they would have ebola cola and crystal fizz and all that shit on tap, but not a single bar I've seen has it.

You could talk to the bartender or owner about stocking that sort of drink ICly, probably. Maybe get in contact with the manufacturers of those drinks and offer to try to get their drinks in more establishments.

Also, some bars and establishments do have non-alcoholic drinks. Be sure to check out their menu. :)