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Bollocks 101

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Since it seems to be causing great confusing amidst certain members of these forums, here's a rough guide to… bollocks.

First, dictionary.com tells us...
bollocks
v : make a mess of, destroy or ruin [syn: botch, fumble, botch up, muff, blow, flub, screw up, ball up, blunder, spoil, muck up, bungle, fluff, bollix, bollix up, bollocks up, bobble, mishandle, louse up, foul up, mess up, fuck up]

While this is true, it only really covers one aspect of a truely versatile word.

Further examples.

To cast doubt on or question a persons opinion or beliefs. - What a load of bollocks. That's complete bollocks. You are talking bollocks, my friend.

To chastize. - She gave him a right bollocking. I'm going to bollock him when I get hold of him. You're in for a bollocking when you get home.

Excellence - Only when used in the canine context, refering to something as "The dogs bollocks" (or the mutt's nuts). That car is the dogs bollocks. My new PC is the dogs bollocks. etc

Gonads - The ACTUAL literal meaning of bollocks. - The bitch kicked me in the fucking bollocks. My bollocks are itchy. Mmm, suck my… you get the picture.

Funnily enough, while searching for the origins of bollocks, I found this which not only tells you pretty much everything I just said, but also has a whole load of other fun English words explained for simplistic american consumption.

I've given up searching for the origins. Possible theory comes from bulls. A castrated bull (minus it's bollocks), is a bullock.

(Edited by TAFKAR at 11:05 pm on June 27, 2003)

By TAFKAR at Jun 27, 2003, 2:56 PM | 0
The origins of the word Bollocks is easy.

About 547 years ago there lived a man in West manchester who had a horrible lisp. He had problems with his 'l's and his 'b's and his 'r's' and pretty much all of the alphabet all together.

I think he was Welsh in origin, but he had Scottish parents. It was all very confusing at the time. Lots of moving about, the guy was half gypsy I swear. Any how, he was talking to a group of friends one day and his lisp was acting up like mad. He was prattlin on about something, and he kept trying to say 'I'm having problems with my hollyhocks' and it kep coming out as 'Ish hovahein brosplems wish moi ballsypocks'.

And it kinda just evolved from there.

Hope that helps.

By Iga at Jul 2, 2003, 1:27 PM | 0
Reminds me of the story of how Canada got it's name… for some odd reason, considering it's a completely different story...
By TAFKAR at Jul 2, 2003, 3:17 PM | 0
I fail to see how taking your name from a beer is related to bollocks in any manner…
By Iga at Jul 2, 2003, 3:18 PM | 0
American beer?

Anyhow, beer? Go on then, what's that story?

By TAFKAR at Jul 2, 2003, 3:21 PM | 0
Molson Canadian.

Cheap swill really.

By Iga at Jul 3, 2003, 11:30 AM | 0
Aha. Well, the story I was referring to would be the one about how the earliest settlers arriving in Canada and not knowing what to call it, so they decided to throw all the letters in of the alphabet in a bag and pick them out at random to decide the name of the country… and thus, the designated letter selector was heard to say...

C, eh. N, eh. D, eh.

...

I never said it was amusing.

By TAFKAR at Jul 3, 2003, 11:52 AM | 0
Ew, Molson.


I refuse to drink any beer that I can see through.

That limits me mostly to Cheval Blanc and a variety of triple-fermented beers on lees. And that's a good thing.

By Murphy at Jul 3, 2003, 12:02 PM | 0
tafkar, is it somehow wrong that i found that amusing?

oh, yes, beer one can see through… bad. like, kokanee!

but german beer!... i've managed to find beer that doesn't make me gag, but it's german.

*sobs*

am i not canadain?

*blow torches the 'i am canadian' adds*

By Bias at Jul 3, 2003, 12:24 PM | 0
Well, seeing as how this has turned into a beer discussion:

The best Ale I ever had was a Canadian brew called Trios Pistoles. Bottle conditioned, this unpasturized brew has the sophistication of fine Port wine. It's sold by the pint or 12oz 4-packs (which are around 10 dollars where I live in California). Plus, at 9%, a pint of this gives you a very nice buzz… Usually I can down a pint of just about anything without even feeling it. But when I did that with this beer I was noticibly giggly. ;)

The best stout I've ever had was the Rouge Brewery Imperial Stout. I've only ever seen it in 8oz bottles (at 5 bux a bottle!). Also a bottle conditioned brew, it's at it's best after 4 years in cold storage; It get's more mellow with every passing year. This is the type of brew you accualy want to include the yeast setiment at the bottom of the bottle in the pour as it adds robustness to the texture... a rareity as usually I can't stand an improperly poured beer.

The best Porter I ever had was the 1794 Porter my friends dad made. This all-malt recipe was so rich, yet finally balenced as to make brews like Guniess Extra Stout look like water.

The best Bock I've ever had was Samual Adams Triple Bock. The stuff looks like maple sludge and smells like soy sauce... but the taste is amazing.

The best Indian Pale Ale I ever had was Stone Brewery's IPA. This is truely a celebration of the complexity of hops in a beer.

I've made a few brews I'm especially proud of:
My Chocolate Covered Cherries (Vienna style Oktoberfest with chocolate malts added and Oregon Cherries) was outstanding, and my Shilligaeh Stout (All-malt blend with Northern Brewer Hops for bittering) was enjoyed by all who tried it.

I'm collecting the suplies to make an Imperial Stout of my own, which basically contains everything except the kitchen sink in it... All-malt with Honey, Maple syrup, and Espresso beans...

I've got some Canadian style draft lager with honey that I made sitting on the shelf maturing. I've resisted the urge to even try one for the past 3 months, so for all I know it could be liquid ka-ka. But I was told this recipe is really good so I have high hopes. Perhaps I'll crack the first one tonight.

-Kevlar

By Kevlar at Jul 3, 2003, 12:59 PM | 0
Trois Pistoles is one of the Unibroue beers I mentioned above, brewed in Chambly, Quebec. The company is owned by an ex Quebecois rock star.

If you liked Trois Pistoles, I STRONGLY recommend Don-De-Dieu, their best (if you like white ale, at least) in my opinion.

Unibroue is almost all I drink, beerwise. You might also like Ephemere, the recipe changes every season. This spring they brewed it with apples, it had a delicious aroma. Only 5%, but the tastes are always top-notch.

Mind, I don't buy the 4-packs, I buy the large bottles, which go four about 4-5$ CDN.

Unibroue also make an ale called Terrible, which has about 19% alcohol content. Mind, it's a bit hard to find, even in Montreal.

By Murphy at Jul 3, 2003, 1:11 PM | 0
Why are my bollocks covered in Canadian beer?

…and yes, I'm referring to this thread. ;)

By TAFKAR at Jul 3, 2003, 2:08 PM | 0
Because beer conquers all.
By Murphy at Jul 3, 2003, 2:10 PM | 0
I've become a complete whore for Strongbow Dry Cider.

*shrugs*

By Iga at Jul 3, 2003, 2:28 PM | 0
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