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I suppose the intent here is to just say goodbye.

The night before last was the culmination of a scenario which had led to tremendous IC and OOC confusion. Without being specific, I vented on OOC about my frustration. Staff got involved and I was voided. I have been considered bothersome on occasions prior, so this time, it was decided that I would be considered for a permanent ban. The votes came out in favor of that, so I can never return.

Words cannot adequately express the terrible grief I am going through right now due to this. I will miss the game and all of you so very much. Unable to leave bed, SD has become a fixture in my daily life and a reason to wake up in the morning. Now, that's gone over a misunderstanding and some upset for which I apologized profusely. I remember what life was like for me before Sindome, and the thought of returning to that is absolutely terrible. Unfortunately, I have begged staff to reconsider and received only silence in return. It appears they are set on upholding this decision, no matter the cost to me as a person.

If any of you would like to keep in contact, you can reach me at akoto470 on Steam. That is the most convenient route right now. Again, I will miss you all more than I can possibly express. Over the years, I have made some beloved and true friends thanks to SD, and we're now cut off from each other. My life trapped in bed is about to get much darker once more, at a time which is already crushing my spirit for other reasons. This was the straw on my back.

- Sybele's Player

Oh, dayum.

Gonna miss ya around, Syb. I don't know what went down, of course, but... damn. Gonna miss ya for sure. Don't feel sad. Try not to at least. Chin up and expect me bothering you to play games on Steam :) .

See ya on the matrix, chum.

I once remember Johnny making mention of being wary of watching the stats, lest they begin to watch you back. I think this must be what he warned off.

One sided breakups are hard, and it's understandable that from here on out your life will be forever changed, and thinking about that loss is very sad. But, like any relationship ending, this provides an opportunity for reflection on what it is you want to do differently in your next relationship so that it doesn't meet the same unfortunate end.

And... perhaps we'll meet there, either as friends, or as glorious warriors on the battlefield. Either way, take care of yourself, and see you in the matrix!

What'd she do?

There's no way for me to answer "what I did" without getting into IC information, setting aside the fact that I believe fault was a two-way street in this instance.

However, in this particular incident, a big misunderstanding led to my venting frustration on non-specific and relatively minor terms. Nevertheless, I did vent, and this led to staff getting involved and that led to a voiding and a vote to permaban me.

I put the last straw on the camel's back down to my getting very confused and frustrated over a logically confusing and frustrating situation, the staff had no patience for it, so that was it. It's a shame that years of involvement, of creative and financial investment, and of genuine love for the game had the end that way.

I'm sorry you now look for another game but it does take a lot to get to the point of being banned.

That said, maybe at sometime in the future after much time passes, you can reach out to see if you can do something to help repair the relationship and go from there.

In the meantime, I hope you find another good group of people to help take up your time. Maybe you can create your own stories as well as play games?

And Steam is a good site.

Then let this be a cautionary tale to all those who would make Sindome their fickle mistress: She does not favor those who make a time or monetary commitment over those who treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

With respect, I was on Sindome for many years and contributed to it in a great many positive ways, my mistakes aside. It was my reason for getting up in the morning and investing so much time because I am physically unable to get out of bed to do anything else. I did not treat Sindome as a "fickle mistress" in any way.

There are a lot of people chiming in here, who I do not recognize, to pelt me while I'm down. The people who've chimed in positively in some way are people I actually do recognize, who have come to know me to some degree over the years, and I appreciate your parting gestures and words. If I believed there were any hope of ever returning, I would say that I wish for a future chance to play with you again.

And to the quip over putting time or monetary investment over treating the game as it deserves to be treated:

Time and Money Invested: Roughly $350 paid in the form of a perma pad, a favor, and a big favor. That it's for money, period. The perma pad purchase was made at a time when Johnny needed funds to close out Sindome's needs for that particular year, he was keen on having me purchase, and I loved the game enough to commit in that way. I say purchase because we worked these things out as purchases, due to being unable to charitably contribute for anything on SSI.

As for time invested, that was unavoidable. Not only did I love the game, my disability prevents me from getting out of bed much at all. That led naturally down the path of much time being invested into SD. I was just fortunate that what I gained in that time in terms of friendship, distraction, and relief from my ills was so great. To go back to the dark times before that is mortifying.

Now, as for the ways I treated the game right: Over the years, it went beyond time spent and financial contributions. When testing was needed, I tested. I was even a moderator on the fixit email list. When building help was needed, I described my ass off, and I would say this is probably the largest of my contributions. Whenever staff asked me for assistance in any way, I was there for them. I welcomed newbies, helped them out, and always tried to be a polite and friendly person on the OOC channels. I never broke policy (outside of, as staff would argue, abusing them), I was always careful to keep IC and OOC separate so that the knowledge of one would not be abused by the other. I brought 15+ years of MUSH/MUX experience to Sindome and I'd say in many ways, I positively transferred that knowledge in good ways to SD.

I don't say that I grieve over this loss for nothing. To hell with the assumptions about me or my motives.

I can't really comment on the circumstances behind your ban, as I know almost nothing of the situation behind it, and it's not really my business in any case. However, I'd like to wish you luck in the future, both in real life and in finding another game or creative outlet to occupy your time. Take care. <3

Lest anyone take the wrong idea from the message above, it should be stated: There are no purchases of in-game perks on Sindome.

Donations are just that - donations.

Rewards are thankyou gifts we are privileged to grant and donators are privileged to enjoy. They are in-character.

Please, don't anyone regard them as "investments", "purchases" or anything else out-of-character, or anything else other than sponsorship and support of game-hosting expenses.

I happened back to look at the thread and wished to thank those who have since offered their parting words, or who have made contact with me via Steam. It has meant a lot. I still miss the game deeply. As anyone on Sindome who knew me for a long time could recount, I arrived with a dismal life, and I've ended up leaving SD to return to that. Laying in bed without much to do sucks, to say nothing of the lack of distraction from pain only the engrossing experience Sindome could provide.

With regard to my comments on my perma pad and the favors I bought, I can only say that the funds were needed at the time, and the only way for me to legally provide them was to purchase them as purchases/transactions. They were listed as such every time in the PayPal receipts, accepted as such, and I still retain those documents. I am not out to ruin anyone, and I suspect it was a kindness which allowed me to be the very rare exception to the rule in this case. That doesn't mean I'd like to stand as an implied liar.

I still have hopes that one day, I will return. The character I had when I was leaving the game, I realize now how much I valued him. I was even satisfying things staff had long wanted me to do with a character, and I was a step away from a big goal. It's too bad, but I have hopes that the "perma" will not necessarily linger with the "ban" forever. I've wasted a lot of time, but I'm certainly not evil. I also certainly don't want to continue repeating days of laying here in pain, taking meds and staring at a screen, without the rare relief Sindome offered.

I've begged before, when things were being decided. I'd beg again, though it might be quite a while before I'm allowed back onto my character and granted another chance. One can only hope.

I only knew you as Sybele and I am uncertain if I ever played with any of your IC characters. All I can say though is good luck. There are a lot of other games and places with different themes, people, moderators. You need to to seek these. Deciding that you are going to mope or be depressed over the loss of text on the internet is quite silly. Maybe you can find a fantasy style game and be a warrior among warriors. My point is, you can spend your time better in the search or new entertainment and communities.

Your posts now are just an entirely uncomfortable guilt trip towards staff and a feel sorry for me I'm broken series of posts. Pity is the worst thing you can feel for another but you make me pity you with what you've posted.

As far as donations being donations, I doubt completely that your donation was "needed" enough to warrant you getting to bring it up over and over like you descended as the saviour of sindome. Johnny has mentioned in the past that he pays for what the MOO needs when donations don't cover it. My perma pad donation or someone else's doesn't entitle us to anything but the fact we donated to support a game we enjoy and an enjoyable perk should we choose it. Donating to an animal shelter and getting a tshirt doesn't make the donator an investor because investors get paid dividends.

I do wish you luck in moving on. I've dealt with crippling depression and it's not a bitch but, making yourself depressed and then spreading that depression to others is no cure. Rising up and finding a new hobby is a good start.