Permabanned

I suppose the intent here is to just say goodbye.

The night before last was the culmination of a scenario which had led to tremendous IC and OOC confusion. Without being specific, I vented on OOC about my frustration. Staff got involved and I was voided. I have been considered bothersome on occasions prior, so this time, it was decided that I would be considered for a permanent ban. The votes came out in favor of that, so I can never return.

Words cannot adequately express the terrible grief I am going through right now due to this. I will miss the game and all of you so very much. Unable to leave bed, SD has become a fixture in my daily life and a reason to wake up in the morning. Now, that's gone over a misunderstanding and some upset for which I apologized profusely. I remember what life was like for me before Sindome, and the thought of returning to that is absolutely terrible. Unfortunately, I have begged staff to reconsider and received only silence in return. It appears they are set on upholding this decision, no matter the cost to me as a person.

If any of you would like to keep in contact, you can reach me at akoto470 on Steam. That is the most convenient route right now. Again, I will miss you all more than I can possibly express. Over the years, I have made some beloved and true friends thanks to SD, and we're now cut off from each other. My life trapped in bed is about to get much darker once more, at a time which is already crushing my spirit for other reasons. This was the straw on my back.

- Sybele's Player

I once remember Johnny making mention of being wary of watching the stats, lest they begin to watch you back. I think this must be what he warned off.

One sided breakups are hard, and it's understandable that from here on out your life will be forever changed, and thinking about that loss is very sad. But, like any relationship ending, this provides an opportunity for reflection on what it is you want to do differently in your next relationship so that it doesn't meet the same unfortunate end.

And… perhaps we'll meet there, either as friends, or as glorious warriors on the battlefield. Either way, take care of yourself, and see you in the matrix!

There's no way for me to answer "what I did" without getting into IC information, setting aside the fact that I believe fault was a two-way street in this instance.

However, in this particular incident, a big misunderstanding led to my venting frustration on non-specific and relatively minor terms. Nevertheless, I did vent, and this led to staff getting involved and that led to a voiding and a vote to permaban me.

I put the last straw on the camel's back down to my getting very confused and frustrated over a logically confusing and frustrating situation, the staff had no patience for it, so that was it. It's a shame that years of involvement, of creative and financial investment, and of genuine love for the game had the end that way.

Then let this be a cautionary tale to all those who would make Sindome their fickle mistress: She does not favor those who make a time or monetary commitment over those who treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

And to the quip over putting time or monetary investment over treating the game as it deserves to be treated:

Time and Money Invested: Roughly $350 paid in the form of a perma pad, a favor, and a big favor. That it's for money, period. The perma pad purchase was made at a time when Johnny needed funds to close out Sindome's needs for that particular year, he was keen on having me purchase, and I loved the game enough to commit in that way. I say purchase because we worked these things out as purchases, due to being unable to charitably contribute for anything on SSI.

As for time invested, that was unavoidable. Not only did I love the game, my disability prevents me from getting out of bed much at all. That led naturally down the path of much time being invested into SD. I was just fortunate that what I gained in that time in terms of friendship, distraction, and relief from my ills was so great. To go back to the dark times before that is mortifying.

Now, as for the ways I treated the game right: Over the years, it went beyond time spent and financial contributions. When testing was needed, I tested. I was even a moderator on the fixit email list. When building help was needed, I described my ass off, and I would say this is probably the largest of my contributions. Whenever staff asked me for assistance in any way, I was there for them. I welcomed newbies, helped them out, and always tried to be a polite and friendly person on the OOC channels. I never broke policy (outside of, as staff would argue, abusing them), I was always careful to keep IC and OOC separate so that the knowledge of one would not be abused by the other. I brought 15+ years of MUSH/MUX experience to Sindome and I'd say in many ways, I positively transferred that knowledge in good ways to SD.

I don't say that I grieve over this loss for nothing. To hell with the assumptions about me or my motives.

Lest anyone take the wrong idea from the message above, it should be stated: There are no purchases of in-game perks on Sindome.

Donations are just that - donations.

Rewards are thankyou gifts we are privileged to grant and donators are privileged to enjoy. They are in-character.

Please, don't anyone regard them as "investments", "purchases" or anything else out-of-character, or anything else other than sponsorship and support of game-hosting expenses.

I only knew you as Sybele and I am uncertain if I ever played with any of your IC characters. All I can say though is good luck. There are a lot of other games and places with different themes, people, moderators. You need to to seek these. Deciding that you are going to mope or be depressed over the loss of text on the internet is quite silly. Maybe you can find a fantasy style game and be a warrior among warriors. My point is, you can spend your time better in the search or new entertainment and communities.

Your posts now are just an entirely uncomfortable guilt trip towards staff and a feel sorry for me I'm broken series of posts. Pity is the worst thing you can feel for another but you make me pity you with what you've posted.

As far as donations being donations, I doubt completely that your donation was "needed" enough to warrant you getting to bring it up over and over like you descended as the saviour of sindome. Johnny has mentioned in the past that he pays for what the MOO needs when donations don't cover it. My perma pad donation or someone else's doesn't entitle us to anything but the fact we donated to support a game we enjoy and an enjoyable perk should we choose it. Donating to an animal shelter and getting a tshirt doesn't make the donator an investor because investors get paid dividends.

I do wish you luck in moving on. I've dealt with crippling depression and it's not a bitch but, making yourself depressed and then spreading that depression to others is no cure. Rising up and finding a new hobby is a good start.