Joke Ideas Thread
Because I'd clutter the actual Ideas board

Fucking: +Godly

You're too sexy to fight without getting 'distracted.'

Players are required to buy food, or will start to get starvation penalties.

stiza this is for you

Also, chainsaw nunchucks for martial arts as cyber weapon plz and you can dual wield two at the time obviously.

"Ow my balls!" on repeat on 420, 24x7

Simulate all bodily functions.

Discrimination in the corporate pay schedules, but based on how baseline human you are.

Finalizing clothing without pronoun switches instantly kills you.

%Chance to get pregnant every time you use fucked with the right partner, alternatively, every time you ride a chex, visit the Orifice or sleep in a cube/coffin.

Making all jobs require you to input a verb every 5 minutes for 8 hours a day to get paid.

Fire all corporates and deport them to the mix, hire all mixers to corporate jobs- no dress code or code of conduct required.

Eating traditional mixer food makes your character fat as fuck, diabetic.

Make people actually follow PDS prompts, and if they don't, allow staff to puppet them and do whatever the fuck they want for the next 15 minutes. :rofl:

Allow double-sleeving and have clones of yourself that follow you like gangers do.

Crates of random weapons and crowbars are parachute-dropped into the mix by the WJF, the Hall of Justice shutters down like a bunker and all mixers get 24 hours to pillage, pop doors and loot and burn as many corporate citizens as they like.

The next day is a day of rest, all of WCS restores the city and the crime rate statistics in the dome drop by 20% for the rest of the year. Nobody talks about the event of purge night publicly.

These will all be charisma checks.

There is only one attack message and it always hits the head:

You smash your fists on the side of JoeBaka's head, saying "Discombobulate." (JoeBaka being the target)

The attack cannot be dodged and is not affected by any armor. When a player gets hit with an attack they get a new status effect called discombobulated which is the exact same as being unconscious except they can still see what's going on around them.

If a discombobulating attack kills a player the player is then discombobulated irl.

Chance of catastrophic failure based on both mechanics and operators skills.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y92NgQxg8BQ

Please label player factions. Ideally this would be a shout out as someone enters into a room. This would make the game significantly easier for new players.

Disguised Donny walks in from the out.

On the same note, remove short descriptions, and disable 'glance '.

Cause legitimately typed cc's to be replaced with cr or cm based on a % chance influenced by the character's luck AND if they're relying on it.

Characters with high enough luck have a chance in combat for their opponent to drop dead of a heart attack/be struck by lightning/etc.

GMs should utilize the angel/devil thought system more often during moosex.

@service-request for @naked changes.

Receptionist: How may I help you?

You: I'd like to schedule an appointment for a cybereye install.

Receptionist: Great! Does three days from now work for you?

You: No. Do you have anything this evening?

Receptionist: How about next Monday at 4 AM?

You: Is that in 2 days or 9 days?

Receptionist: I've got you confirmed for then. Keep in mind there will be a 2,500c fee for a missed appointment.

You: Did you even get my name?

Receptionist: I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with?

You: When is my appointment?

Receptionist: Yes, I can help you schedule an appointment! What is it you'd like to have done?

*click*

Effects: Makes all PC/NPC's around you appear 2x as sexy.

1/100 chance of turning you into an insane half-bee splicer creature.

Corpse Cloning temporarily makes your skintone a shade paler for 1-3 weeks depending on endurance.

But if you're successful, you look damn cool.

Custom armour crafting because artists need MOAR POWER!!!

Artistry is not a diverse enough skillset. Being able to sculpt, sing and tailor off one skill is just the beginning. Artistry needs MOAR POWER!!!

Laid command as a roll. With Crit failure knocking you unconscious for several minutes with random bruises. Regular failure effects including pelvic bruising, exhaustion without benefits, a successful roll provides no real effect other than good messages. And a crit success provides the stat bonus'.

What would you roll for this? End+Coord+Charm+Heavy Weapons of course.

Burns slowly and makes everyone in a 2-3 room radius smell like shit.

If the target is bald, you palm their skull, if they have hair, you effectively grapple them.

While grabbing someone's hair, you can attack them and be attacked by them, but you only get to attack every other turn, because you're using one arm.

If the target is wearing a wig, you rip the wig off, but also briefly lose the ability to see the person you attacked, as you're distracted by the squid-ink like distraction of the wig.

But only tailors.

(See where I'm going with this?)

Performers, tattooers and muralists are expected to police themselves.

(Ahhhahahaaaa. Too far?Too far?)

Ass: Glorious

Schlong: Lacking

Booba: Astounding

Mustache: Gotdayum

Biceps: Puny

Depending on your Strength, you have a chance to 'hold' the fart in, in which case, the next chance will increase by 10%.

If it succeeds and you fart, after holding it in previously, the fart will be louder, have a chance to make everyone throw up, and give everyone nearby a smell message.

Corporate citizens who wade in and clear the traffic jam get to reap the rewards of having a massive money dispenser that's off the automated income cap, and can compete to see who's the best at getting there first and directing traffic jams.

With categories like: most amount of updates per clone, before vatting, most total this week, king of the pod today and group effort by corporation! Free updates excluded.

And the opposite - most ancient clones that are still alive and playing, see who lives on the edge!

Even makes biz sense, drives updates! Could hand rewards for top scorers and so on.

Upon application, a percentage of funds will be redirected each week from either your bank account or employment terminal's payment (whichever is higher). This is a stacking status affect that lasts 18 years, with the timer being refreshed on each application.

Basic Mechanics:

→ Replace grapple skill checks with Charisma + Artistry rolls

→ Combat becomes a battle of wits, sass, and social dominance

→ Damage is dealt to the opponent's "ego" stat instead of health

→ When ego reaches 0, the target is "emotionally devastated" instead of unconscious

Combat Actions:

→ Devastating Compliment: "You look amazing! That must have taken so much courage to leave the house like that."

→ Passive Aggressive Strike: "Oh honey, bless your heart for trying."

→ Social Media Flex: Pull out your ProGia and start posting about your superior lifestyle

→ Name Drop Combo: Casually mention all your corporate connections

→ Fashion Critique: Point out every flaw in their outfit choice

→ Backhanded Encouragement: "You're so brave for attempting that look!"

Status Effects:

→ Mortified: -50% to all social interactions

→ Humiliated: Can't use SIC for 10 minutes

→ Socially Destroyed: Must hide in your cube for an hour

→ Clout Drained: Lose faction standing temporarily

Special Moves:

→ Corporate Namedrop Ultimate: "My friend at Saedor-Krupp says…"

→ Mixer Authenticity Check: "You're not even from the Mix, are you?"

→ Fashion Police Finisher: A devastating critique that leaves opponents questioning their entire wardrobe

Victory Conditions:

Instead of grappling someone unconscious, you make them so socially uncomfortable they just… leave and go moosex. The ultimate cyberpunk power move.