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- Lyagva 9m
- Knyghtskye 5s
- Shunbun 16m drawing and making music. Hustling.
- Baphomei 6s
- adrognik 2s
- himble 19m
- Meat 49s
- Hivemind 1m
- zxq 10m
- Enven 2h
a Mench 1m Doing a bit of everything.
And 24 more hiding and/or disguised

Joke Ideas Thread
Because I'd clutter the actual Ideas board

Add a new command to Thievery to sneak up and pants your opponent, forcing them to lose a round in combat pulling them up.
Add a new 'splash' command to vehicles to drive through a puddle when it's raining and soak everyone in the room.
Add a command that makes your clothes wet if you 'freehands' a drink.
A 'Forge' command to make copies of famous artwork.
I said JOKE ideas.
A martial art that's all Three Stooges head bonks, eye pokes, and nose grabs
Make typing any laid command drain all your fatigue.
Make Fuck a skill to go with the fucked command. Add ERP advantages/disadvantages.

Fucking: +Godly

Help File: key

Forwarded: key forwards to petty vengeance


The 'key' command can be used to run your keys down some baka's paintwork. You need to be holding a key or similar item. The effectiveness of this action may depend on your short blades skill and how angry your character is at the time.

key - Fucks up their car, but only a little bit.

Also relevant: Add CHA to all combat rolls.

You're too sexy to fight without getting 'distracted.'

Female PC's should have a chance to not be satisfied when entering the laid command which revokes bonuses and just makes them sweaty/smelly.
AV rappeling
Make bikes wieldable as a weapon, but only if you're the fourth chairman of the Dojima clan using Beast style.
Weed doesn't give you full benefits unless you have a couch, two unemployed friends and junkfood on hand.
secret 'win' command to instantly max out your UE
Corpies should get a flat pay raise amount for every rival corporation member or mixer they execute on corporate sovereign soil.
secret 'lose' command to instakill yourself
let deckers hack studdlies to give people a raging hardon in public
When your character passes a certain threshold of drunkenness, they have a chance to say out loud or on public SIC anything they try to say on a key or private SIC.
Add actual express legs to the game.
'laid' command starts a two hour long script with contextual %variables
a command to force people into the suicide booth
add 'xtoothirsty' command to delete me from ooc chat
players have to write 'breathe in' and 'breathe out' commands every few seconds in order to deter idling or else their character chokes to death
Slow genetic damage from living in a radioactive wasteland shithole.

Takes Genetek doing everything they can to clone you after 3-4 years.

Players have to buy water every day, or drink from puddles to quench thirst.

Players are required to buy food, or will start to get starvation penalties.

Public Gloryhole booths for ERP addicts on Sinn Street that are suspiciously placed next to the suicide booth.
glance smells
All jobs replaced by the gig economy. No one is employed. Every corp and service just has an SHI-style 'scanin' on the wall.
pee on x command

stiza this is for you

The ability to hack the sensenet terminal that been driving me insane for 15+ years.
Making a funny thread so everyone spams the forums none stop and I have to turn off my notifications again.

Also, chainsaw nunchucks for martial arts as cyber weapon plz and you can dual wield two at the time obviously.

secret unlock for obsessive Artificial Intelligence controlling auto-turret protection if you are in New Rose Hotel and enter movement string:

go up down up down east west east

Replace all of NLM's programming with shows from Idiocracy.

"Ow my balls!" on repeat on 420, 24x7

Corpies should get a flat pay raise amount for every rival corporation member or mixer they execute on corporate sovereign soil.

This but unironically.

Add bathrooms.
Instead of locking doors and putting cover charges on bars - use crowd size to prevent viewing of PC's in the room and have an extremely high chance of hitting a NPC bystander when sniping into those places.
Here's a few:

Simulate all bodily functions.

Discrimination in the corporate pay schedules, but based on how baseline human you are.

Finalizing clothing without pronoun switches instantly kills you.

%Chance to get pregnant every time you use fucked with the right partner, alternatively, every time you ride a chex, visit the Orifice or sleep in a cube/coffin.

Making all jobs require you to input a verb every 5 minutes for 8 hours a day to get paid.

Fire all corporates and deport them to the mix, hire all mixers to corporate jobs- no dress code or code of conduct required.

Eating traditional mixer food makes your character fat as fuck, diabetic.

Make people actually follow PDS prompts, and if they don't, allow staff to puppet them and do whatever the fuck they want for the next 15 minutes. :rofl:

Doggy Xo.

Doggy side-cars.

Pet combat!

A monument to Henry Rollins, the greatest Sindome player of all time.
A "Shit" command that you can use to shit which will drop a "Tiny pile of poop" on the floor.

Every "Shit" in a room grows the pre-existing poop to a "Small pile of poop." > "Pile of poop." > "Large pile of poop." > "Giant pile of poop." to then > "Gigantic pile of poop."

The only way to remove said poop is by someone coming in and eating it.

A random day each week, each individual gang in the city has godlike stats and necksnaps anyone not code protected who fucks with them. There's absolutely no indicator for what gang and when.
Release a new progia model every 6 months and making the older models stop working so that people are force to buy the new ones, oh and the charger and battery are sold separately.
That's too dystopian even for Withmore. ;)

Allow double-sleeving and have clones of yourself that follow you like gangers do.

Tiny angelic version of you and the demon smoking a cigar now have stats and are each controlled by a different GM. They will engage in combat across your shoulders whenever you have a thought, and only the winner may advise you.
One day a year staff runs an event that's 1:1 copied from 'The Purge.'

Crates of random weapons and crowbars are parachute-dropped into the mix by the WJF, the Hall of Justice shutters down like a bunker and all mixers get 24 hours to pillage, pop doors and loot and burn as many corporate citizens as they like.

The next day is a day of rest, all of WCS restores the city and the crime rate statistics in the dome drop by 20% for the rest of the year. Nobody talks about the event of purge night publicly.

@TalonCzar Actually that is a real thing, never heard of 'Rampage' ?
Rampage isn't IC though; TalonCzar's idea would have real in-game consequences!
Allow unlimited number of riders to mount a motorcycle. Once in motion, every speed change or turn requires an agility stat check and if anyone fails they and whoever else mounted after them are violently thrown from the vehicle.
The HonkaMitsu ClownCar skids around the corner at high speed!
A new melee weapon called Mr. Socko that's a porn puppet and also a dirty gym sock.
Cosmetic cash shop and loot boxes for pets, mounts, additional shortdescs, emotes, etc. Mixers black-bagged by CorpSec and forced to run a Hard Target/Most Dangerous Game style deathhunt on live teevee.
New pay-as-you-go tier for donors, with an enticing menu of gear, chyen bundles and favors-owed, powered by Paypal.
A new NPC animal, Bodega Cat, limited to Lucky Dragon and Uncle Sungh's this cat loafs around all day, meowing occasionally, and wandering off after receiving pets. MEOW!
A command to temporarily become omniscient and see all the activity on the game for 10 minutes. In return, your eyes melt from your sockets and your brain turns to mush from witnessing so many horrors and ERP at once.
Make it so that licking people gives you a message describing how they taste akin to when you taste food.
A WJF lost and found trunk for good citizens to return lost belongings to :)
A taco cannon, You sic it, and it automatically takes some chy from your bank account, and shoots a taco at you, if you're inside it hits the building and hits the ground. If you're outside you have to use the catch command or it causes ballistic damage like getting shot with gun.
Eating any of Red's MysteryMeatMealz™ such as rat or dogmeat has a chance of giving your character all kinds of gnarly GI diseases.

Crashing a motorcycle without a helmet on should have a high chance of outright killing you.

WJF NPC's should confiscate your crates if you're gross topside. 'Sensory Assault' listed as a new crime.

Crate givers tell you to go stuff yourself after being in the dome for a few months.

"Stop" could use more functionality. Recommend adding "stop grapplers", "stop attackers", and "stop dying".

These will all be charisma checks.

Replace all character build descriptors with 'Average" and all shortdescs as "Dickhead."


You see eleven average dickheads here.

New brawling style called discombobulate.

There is only one attack message and it always hits the head:

You smash your fists on the side of JoeBaka's head, saying "Discombobulate." (JoeBaka being the target)

The attack cannot be dodged and is not affected by any armor. When a player gets hit with an attack they get a new status effect called discombobulated which is the exact same as being unconscious except they can still see what's going on around them.

If a discombobulating attack kills a player the player is then discombobulated irl.

SMG attacks should do the same amount of damage as their Pistol or Rifle counterpoint per shot.

Logically speaking, each bullet is hitting the opponent, so an SMG on burst or full auto should be doing 3x to 5x more damage than a Pistol or Rifle equivalent.

Solid Fuel One-Use Rockets Boosters that can be installed by a daring mechanic on ANY vehicle.

Chance of catastrophic failure based on both mechanics and operators skills.

Ha, I was about to respond to one of these but.


replace chargen with this

Enforce [CROWDED] tags by making any skill checks against a player require a 1/10000 check to see if it affects the right person. Enforced ambient population!

Side bonus, combat is now much slower for people with bad reaction times.

Need driver support to synchronize the moosex with a fleshlight launch or lovense.

OK but hear me out!

A sex skill could influence the bonuses gotten from someone typing laid in the same room as them.

This could cause issues with public masturbation but I imagine that'd be dealt with ICly just fine, just add something noticable to other people in the room.

But yeah, then joys would be codedly better/worse than one another with prices to match and characters played by people who don't want to erp could still hire them for the bonuses and fade to black.

Because you know, everyone's not horny enough as it is.

Oh I forgot one other.

Please label player factions. Ideally this would be a shout out as someone enters into a room. This would make the game significantly easier for new players.

Premium SIC aliases that auto-change depending on the key you're using. Never accidentally talk to $mugglingring on your NeoTrans alias again!
Wear wigs and contacts for the fashion of it. They're SUPPOSED to stand out.

Disguised Donny walks in from the out.

Please tag all disguised characters names with [DISGUISE!] so we know not to meta them.

We can't be expected not to meta if we don't know what's meta.

Replace all character names with a unique 16 digit hex code that changes weekly.

On the same note, remove short descriptions, and disable 'glance '.

Cause legitimately typed cc's to be replaced with cr or cm based on a % chance influenced by the character's luck AND if they're relying on it.

Characters with high enough luck have a chance in combat for their opponent to drop dead of a heart attack/be struck by lightning/etc.

GMs should utilize the angel/devil thought system more often during moosex.

I think would be super amusing if the least expensive vehicle in the game was calibrated so that it's cooling was only good enough to keep it cool at the temperature it is when it rains on red. If it's any warmer than that, like when the sun is shining, the vehicle starts overheating.

Given how rarely the sun is out, I think it would take people a while to realize the correlation between it not raining and their cheap vehicle overheating.

In order to support Require Nakeds When Disguised, idea:

@service-request for @naked changes.

Crates but for terrorism. High payout automated terrorism jobs where you're issued an explosive that only detonates when in the location you've been asked to run it too.

Payment is bank transferred automatically after success.

Chyen bonuses for damaging/involving other PC's with your act of terrorism.

PC's can also bounty specific targets with higher grades of explosives and payouts for *specific* time slots.

Impacts faction score with corporations and others as expected.

Automated cyberware installs with NPCs but first you have to call to make an appointment and speak to a robo-receptionist machine...

Receptionist: How may I help you?

You: I'd like to schedule an appointment for a cybereye install.

Receptionist: Great! Does three days from now work for you?

You: No. Do you have anything this evening?

Receptionist: How about next Monday at 4 AM?

You: Is that in 2 days or 9 days?

Receptionist: I've got you confirmed for then. Keep in mind there will be a 2,500c fee for a missed appointment.

You: Did you even get my name?

Receptionist: I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with?

You: When is my appointment?

Receptionist: Yes, I can help you schedule an appointment! What is it you'd like to have done?


Put ads on help cyberware for better grades of chrome and nanos than what you currently have.

After cyberware tiers gets implemened, of course.

Or before, why not. Advertise the milspec stuff to people who can't acquire it.

Allow cyberdocs to install frag grenades in place of noses.
Bug bounties!

Paid out in UE or chyen, whichever's more OP.

Ground Vehicles left unattended in snowstorms must be dug out unless suitably equipped with snow tires and/or 4-wheel drive.
Aeros hovering in snow storms turn the local weather into rain or fog instead of snow.

Also, aeros hovering in snow storms get rid of that "woman screaming" ambient desc, replacing it with something about the aero being too loud.

Please put health bars over max UE characters and/or skulls by their names so lowbies and midbies know when there's a raid encounter.
New drug: Spanish Fly: Makes all PC/NPC's around you appear 2x as sexy. 1/100 chance of turning you into an insane half-fly splicer creature.
New Drug: Mexican Bee

Effects: Makes all PC/NPC's around you appear 2x as sexy.

1/100 chance of turning you into an insane half-bee splicer creature.

New Reminder:

If your @nakeds total word count is in excess of x words - you are informed that no one will ever read that shit.

New Side Effect:

Corpse Cloning temporarily makes your skintone a shade paler for 1-3 weeks depending on endurance.

Sex command. No more fade to black. Just input the command and it runs a series of scripts of you fuckin' someone.
@Stiza13's sex command but the script you get depends on your and your partner(s) charisma and artistry. If you fail the check you get the smell from laid but without the char and luck buffs.

Place a condom dispenser in every room its okay to have moosex in so there's no confusion.
Make thrown used condoms have a chance for causing an infection for anyone they hit.
Be able to cut off other peoples faces.

And wear them on your brand new face slot.

Mess Dispersal Grenades, that explode in a room and spread various sorts and flavors of mess across the floors, walls, ceilings.
We need chemists to be able to make Space Lube to add to our fancy new coded janitor mop buckets.

Shoutout to all the SS13 nerds out there for how much utter chaos this causes. :D

Obscure instruments just to confuse people.

Like this fucker.

Props if the teases are threatening enough to inspire laughter.

Making people's sick kickflips require AGI and ARTISTRY skillchecks or they faceplant and take damage, BROOOOOOO.
Add a VR skate park that incorporates skillchecks to tally up 'points' for 'sweet grinds' 'airtime' and 'ollies' over a limited period of time.

Naturally, it'll have the finest selection of NEXUSKIDZ brand paunk rawk™ tracks playing in the background. There'll be a leaderboard posted publicly, and only the top three slot holders can hold the title of 'PRO SKATER.'

Additional kudos if you can throw sticks and board-bash your rivals on duo/trio leaderboards.

The ability to manual and go half speed at an additional difficulty level for the check. Meaning it's more likely to faceplant...

But if you're successful, you look damn cool.

Add a 'kickflip' command to skateboards. If you succeed you get a charisma bonus. If you fail you get injured on a scale of a small bruise to missing limb.

All wheelchairs come equipped with a minigun. Recoil counts as movement speed of 2 in a random direction.

Furniture/room_desc crafting, because the artistry command needs MOAR POWER!!!

Custom armour crafting because artists need MOAR POWER!!!

Artistry is not a diverse enough skillset. Being able to sculpt, sing and tailor off one skill is just the beginning. Artistry needs MOAR POWER!!!

Flying aircraft, performing surgery, swimming, shooting, ducking, fleeing and emoting should all require passing artistry checks.

It's all art, if you think about it. #woke

ERP requires a artistry skill check to pass, otherwise the magic can't happen. Ducks

all male character must roll on the table below with their stats and skills capped according to each archetype

Replace the Wicks Furnace with a giant sausage-maker to bring in more city revenue
Replace the Wicks Furnace with a giant sausage-maker to bring in more city revenue
Replace RiotGear with a VR fighter game where you pick a character from presets and then play as them
Glory holes
Raise the temperature inside crowded, sweaty nigtrclubs and port the dehydration code over.
With the blood code, allow menses to be used to graffiti a room.
Delete all decking skills. Replace with Tamagotchi, Skateboarding and Card Shuffling.

Name the update Grid 4.0 ;)

Suggested this jokingly in xooc the other day.

Laid command as a roll. With Crit failure knocking you unconscious for several minutes with random bruises. Regular failure effects including pelvic bruising, exhaustion without benefits, a successful roll provides no real effect other than good messages. And a crit success provides the stat bonus'.

What would you roll for this? End+Coord+Charm+Heavy Weapons of course.

Shit Shrouds. Shrouds covered in shit that let you disguise yourself as a shitberg floating in the sewer.
Shrouds for cars and bikes.

Replace all martial arts styles with dance styles.

Martial arts becomes elaborate dance battles. No more kicking your enemy, you just break dance furiously at them.

Capoiera still fucks people up, though.
Ballmer peak. Being a certain amount of drunk gives you a buff to decking-related checks, but go over and you can't deck for shit.

...actually wait no thats actually just a cool idea

add a "stash flash" command to put all of your chyen in the first open and available wallet if you have one
Make Studdly Do-Wright detachable so you can leave it places, plant it on people, steal them, swap them with other models, etc.

Add a "stash flash" command that puts all your chy into the nearest container. Include chutes and incinerators as possible containers,
Pistol attachment for the student do right. Integrated trusight as default due to the standard issue laser sight on studdlies.
Entry-level homemade explosive: Bag of Shit

Burns slowly and makes everyone in a 2-3 room radius smell like shit.


Some variety in the messes! I only ever see "bloody" ones but people do other messy things too.

Like, when smelling the wrong person or taking too much drugs.

A fresh pukey mess is here awaiting clean up.

^^ Give me puke in a room like blood in a room
Have glance <person> show how wet a baka is.

Some of Baka's clothing has a few wet spots.

Add combat to @tutorials.
Add a "Three seashells" art installation to all rooms with bathroom in the name with exception to the Drome which will receive a perpetually empty toilet paper machine.
With adequate trading skill, be able to get 32500 from pile.
A JUGGLE command that allows you to throw an item into the air, catch it, and throw it into the air again if you succeed the appropriate checks.
Using the /erect command with the Studdly-Do-Wright can be heard in adjacent rooms like velcro.
Add a new language, Cromag.

It consists entirely of 'unga bungas', grunts and chest beating.

Rap battle mechanics, your "health" is calculated from your Charisma and Intelligence. If it runs out you break down into tears and pass out.
If you finish eating a slice of pizza, it creates a pizza crust item in your hand, which can be eaten, or thrown away like you're a fucking child
Make the NLM Television Guide grid node clickable. Pay for on-demand streaming with credchip or SIC cred.
When buying a Labrador Retriever at RePet, integrate with the mess system so that when they "blow coat" you have to clean it up.
Grab 's hair

If the target is bald, you palm their skull, if they have hair, you effectively grapple them.

While grabbing someone's hair, you can attack them and be attacked by them, but you only get to attack every other turn, because you're using one arm.

If the target is wearing a wig, you rip the wig off, but also briefly lose the ability to see the person you attacked, as you're distracted by the squid-ink like distraction of the wig.

SK Morality Inhibitor Module

Replaces all shortdescs on people around you with INNOCENT if they are unarmed or not shouting, and THREAT in glowing red if armed or shouting. It also blurs their face naked to prevent any empathy from the user.

I identify as a threat, thank you very much. Also war crimes whomst?

High enough artistry should let tailors strip someone without @trust.

But only tailors.

(See where I'm going with this?)

Performers, tattooers and muralists are expected to police themselves.

(Ahhhahahaaaa. Too far?Too far?)

Cap-stone level Artists should be able to perform and produce the fabled brown note.
@assign ue now requires you to spend UE to rank up your body parts.

Ass: Glorious

Schlong: Lacking

Booba: Astounding

Mustache: Gotdayum

Biceps: Puny


Order by:

[0] Popular

[1] Rated

[2] Price low/high

[3] Price high/low

[4] Date added

(Edited by Mench at 4:24 pm on 6/28/2022)

All gyro meat in the dome should be renamed to 'Mench meat.'
make thermal and night vision eye modules emit a splinter cell goggle noise every time you turn them on

This threat is for joke ideas... not actually cool ideas.
From somewhere nearby you hear *speaking English* the shrill of a clown whizzer.

JoeGrub puts a thimble shaped metal bit to his lips, and lets'er rip! *[*WhiiiIIIZZZzzzz!*]*

"Bad Dunie" Simesense Peripherals brought to you by TruColorz
Add a cup size stat. This give a charisma boost with an associated agility penalty. Add a new field to clothing that lets tailors dictate the bust specific description of the clothing item.

Cup size in descriptions will be enforced by staff.

Replace cardinal directions in room exits with 'left', 'right' etc according to which direction you came from.
A TERRA version of the Deliverator for moving prisoners that is an awful, awful thing that runs about effectively as a progia-3.
Whenever you drink a liquid, there's a 2% chance you'll choke, drown, and die.
Driving in the badlands during the day has a chance to spawn a flying saucer that picks up your car and moves it somewhere else without your control.
Mirage, this is a joke idea thread. We want joke ideas, that idea sounds pretty cool ngl.
If you lose an eye, you only see half of everything.

Half a room name.

Half a description.

Half a name.

Half of everything.

If there's a puddle in a room and someone drives by at blazing speed, the ones with the lowest 'Luck' stat present get covered in puddle water from head to toe.
If you have low INT your chip randomly messes up your thoughts to grabbled messages. But you see it correct.
Every 30 minutes you have a 20% chance to fart involuntarily.

Depending on your Strength, you have a chance to 'hold' the fart in, in which case, the next chance will increase by 10%.

If it succeeds and you fart, after holding it in previously, the fart will be louder, have a chance to make everyone throw up, and give everyone nearby a smell message.

Rush hour has a 50 percent chance to have an npc road rage brawl break out in the express tubes forcing you to stay stuck behind cars for another extra hour.
Add foot-traffic jams in Cordoba mall that you can use a 'wade through' verb to navigate. Angry shoppers getting squished and bonked around means they'll drop boatloads of valuable items.

Corporate citizens who wade in and clear the traffic jam get to reap the rewards of having a massive money dispenser that's off the automated income cap, and can compete to see who's the best at getting there first and directing traffic jams.

Mechanical Bulls that work similarly to weight lifting benches but have a chance to hurl you out of the bar if you fail critically.
Folding chair melee weapon.
I agree.

In addition to "emote loudly", there should also be "complain loudly", which causes your emotes and 'say's to also be sent to xhelp and @bug at the same time.
Wake up skill check that lets your character yawn and stretch, but starts a luck check based on when you last drank water. If you fail, you get a Charley horse